


Memories of a Place Unknown

by lucifersfavoritechild



Series: "It's the Perfect Story" Asides/Aus/One-Shots [9]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: F/M, I Need Another Story, It's the Perfect Story, NOT a guide to mental health, TheBrightestNight, refusal of reality, suicidal thoughts and feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-20 12:05:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12432462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucifersfavoritechild/pseuds/lucifersfavoritechild
Summary: Companion Piece to "Djinn Dreams". This is the story of the life Tori never got to have, and how it's affected her.





	Memories of a Place Unknown

**Pt. 1**

 

_“I will scream with the howling wind,_

_'Cuz it's a bitter world and I'd rather dream.”_

— Owl City, Lonely Lullaby

* * *

Tori groaned and rolled over, her head pounding. What just happened? She tried to remember. There was a monster and something...blue? It wasn’t clear.

She sat up and looked around, frowning when she recognized the Hermes Cabin. _What am I doing in here?_ Had the others put her in here? Why? She should have been in the Apollo Cabin, or maybe the infirmary if she was hurt.

Tori froze in place when something moved against her. She started to feel at her waist for her sword, but it wasn’t there. Neither was her bow-ring. Before she could do anything else, the person moved again and pulled their blanket down so that their head was visible. Luke blinked sleepily at her. “Tori?” he asked quietly, “What’s wrong?”

Tori stared at him. _A dream_ , she realized, _A cruel dream._

Luke sat up more fully, looking more awake every second. “Tori? Did you have a nightmare?”

She nodded slowly, wondering when the dream would start to fall apart. Luke wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to him, hugging her. “It’s okay. I’m right here.”

Tori sat frozen against him, her eyes closed as she tried to keep from shaking. Luke didn’t move. He didn’t leave, he didn’t die. After several minutes had passed, she grabbed his arm, holding him to her. A few tears escaped her eyes, running down her cheeks like little rivers. She felt Luke brush some of them away with his thumb. His hand was callused like it had been in real life. _Rough, but gentle, always gentle._ Without thinking, she threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest. _Now, it will happen now, he’ll die and his blood will cover my hands just like it did before._

Luke just held her tighter and moved them so that they were laying down. She moved with him, her body tense. His chest was solid underneath her cheek, covered by a thin cotton shirt. After a while, he fell asleep again, his chest moving up and down as he breathed. Tori fought to stay awake, yawning, but it was less than an hour before she let her eyes drift shut.

* * *

Someone was shaking her. Tori yawned and swatted their hand away, burrowing into her blanket. “Go away.” She yawned again and nestled deeper into the bed. “It’s sleep time.”

Someone chuckled above her. “Tori, come on, you have to wake up.”

“No I don’t.” Tori ignored the person until she recognized their voice. Then her eyes snapped open and she jacknifed up, staring at him. “Luke?”

His expression changed in an instant from joking to worried. “What’s wrong?”

Tori’s hand shot out and she grabbed Luke by the arm, leaping up and wrapping herself around him. Luke stumbled in surprise, but Tori held him in place, burying her head in his chest. “ _Don’t leave_ ,” she begged, “ _Don’t leave me._ ”

Luke said something, but she didn’t hear him. She thought she heard someone else speaking, but she didn’t pay them any attention. Luke was _here_. He was here and he was with her and she could feel his heart beating under her cheek.

Someone tried to pull her off Luke, but she ignored them and clung tighter, like a baby bear to its mother. She wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but eventually Luke shifted and moved so that Tori was in his arms, bridal-style. She didn’t mind. She was close to Luke, and that was all that mattered.

The next thing she noticed was Luke putting her down into a different bed. She shook her head wildly and tried to pull him down with her, but Luke grabbed her forearms and pushed them down next to her head. “Tori!” he shouted, inches from her face, “Calm down! ”

Tori stared at him without hearing. How old was he? 18? 19? Younger than he had been when… the last time she saw him.

“I had a dream,” Tori whispered, “You died, and nothing made sense anymore.” She started to sob pathetically, curling in on herself. After a moment, she felt Luke wrap his arms around her. He was rocking her, or maybe she was shaking. It was hard to tell.

“Shh,” Luke cooed, “It’s alright. I’m here now. Just calm down.”

Tori stayed as she was for far longer. Luke stayed at her side, his only movements being the steady rise and fall of his chest. They were silent until Luke’s stomach growled. He groaned in annoyance. “We missed lunch.”

“Sorry,” Tori murmured, uninterested in food.

Luke started to sit up. Tori rushed to follow him, stopping when Luke held up a placating hand. “I’m just going to get some food.”

“I’ll come with you.” She stood up before he could protest. It was only then that she realized they were in the infirmary. She winced. Was it that bad?

She shook it off. “Let’s go.”

They returned to the Hermes Cabin, which was empty since everyone was at their activities. Luke got some snacks out of his chest and handed her some. He might as well have kept them. Tori wasn’t even sure what she was eating. Everything was ashes to her mouth.

Once Luke was done, Tori crawled over to him and sat in his lap, leaning her head against his chest. Luke made a sound in the back of his throat. “Tori—” She kissed him. She held his face with one hand and pushed herself towards him, kissing him as hard as she could.

Luke made a shocked sound and started to back away. “Tori, what are you—”

“I love you,” Tori whispered, “I love you, I love you. Don’t leave me.”

For a moment, Luke was as still as a statue. Tears filled her eyes and she started shaking with fear that this was a dream, and Luke was about to die, blood running down his face…

Luke put his arms around her and kissed her back. “I won’t leave you, Tori.” A beat passed, and he added, “I love you too.”

Tori started to cry. Tears streamed down her face and she kissed him, holding him to her like he was the only thing holding her to the earth.

* * *

The days went on. Life was strange in how normal it was. She felt different, and not just because of Luke. Her body had changed; she was an inch or two shorter, and hadn’t grown completely into her body yet. The most prominent change was that her chronic pain was gone. She kept waiting for it to attack her, like a pouncing lion, but it never did. She could do ore now without wanting to collapse. She was so thrilled by this revelation that she went overboard and knocked Luke right to the ground during training. She tried to apologize, but he seemed more proud than anything else.

It didn’t take her long to realize where she was. It was in late spring of 2005, the year Luke joined Kronos. Tori half-expected Kelli to jump out of a bush and drag them onboard the Andromeda. I might be able to save him , she realized. But even then, Kronos’s army might come after them for Luke’s betrayal. _Let them come_ , Tori thought viciously, _I will kill any monster that tries to separate us._

Tori woke up one day in the beginning of summer to the camp buzzing with gossip. She took her seat besides Luke at breakfast and asked, “What’s going on?”

Luke smiled and kissed her cheek, a twinkle in his eyes. “Morning, wildcat.” That was his new nickname for her after she beat him at training. “There’s a new demigod at camp.”

“Oh really?” she asked, not really paying attention as she filled her plate, “What’s their name?”

“Percy, I think.”

Tori froze, dropping her fork. “Woah, you okay Tori?” Luke asked, moving her fork.

Tori nodded reluctantly. “Yeah. I’m… I’m fine, I just remembered something is all.”

Luke was suspicious, but Tori talked him down after a bit. She spent the rest of the day drifiting from place to place, unable to focus on anything. It’s coming. She forced herself to take a breath. But I can stop it.

The next month went on mostly as she remembered it, just with more kissing. Percy woke up, trained, and went on his quest, all while the feeling of dread built in her stomach. She didn’t stop Luke from giving Percy the shoes; she was too scared. And Percy would survive that, anyway. Her focus was on saving Luke.

Percy came back to camp, safe and sound. Another month went by before Luke came by the cabin. He smiled and kissed her lightly. “Hi.”

Tori smiled up at him from her position on his bed. “Hey. What are you up to?”

“Just getting my bag.”

Tori sat up and looked at him. “What do you need that for?” she asked when he pulled out his duffle bag.

He started to put stuff in it without looking at her. “Um, Chiron needs me to do something. I’ll be gone for a few days.”

Shit , Tori thought as the realization hit her. “Luke, you can’t do that. You have to stay.”

He gave her a weird look. “It’s fine, Tori. I’ll see you again soon.”

That’s what you think. “No, Luke, I know.”

Luke leaned back and stared at her. “Know what?”

“About… about Kronos.”

His eyes widened and he stood up. Tori jumped up before he could do anything and raced over to him. “Luke, I know it’s confusing, but you can’t go—”

“How do you know about that?” he asked quietly, his hand twitching like he wanted his sword.

“I… I can’t tell you.” She wasn’t entirely sure herself. She wanted to think this was the past, but it didn’t feel like it. It was too… other . It almost felt like a dream. One I don’t want to wake up from. “But you can’t do this. You can’t go to Kronos, you can’t kill Percy.”

Luke stepped back. “How do you—”

“It doesn’t matter!” She walked over to him and grabbed hold of his forearms. “Luke, please , just listen to me! I know what you’re doing, and I understand why, but you have to stop! This is all gonna come crashing down on us if you don’t!”

Luke smacked her hands away and backed up. “You don’t understand anything!” he snapped. “We can’t go on like this, Tori. The gods have to be stopped.”

Tori stomped over to him. “ Listen to me, Castellan. There is _no one_ , dead or alive, monster or half-blood, who hates the gods as much as I do, not even you. And if it were just getting rid of them, I’d be the first to join you.” Her voice softened slightly. “But the titans are just as bad. If we do this, we’ll be turning against our friends and families, people we’ve known for years.” Tori ran her fingers through his hair, holding his head so that he couldn’t look away. “Luke, this isn’t you. Kronos is manipulating you.” Luke tried to look away, but Tori grabbed his cheek and made him look at her. “Luke, I know you. I love you. And the man I love is angry, bitter, and relentless. But he’s also kind. He’s the type of man to comfort me after I have a nightmare, the man who took in a scared little girl and raised her like a sister. He’s not the sort of man who would kill a child.”

Luke looked away from her. “I don’t know.”

“Just… just stay a while, okay? Just to think about it. And if you leave anywhere, I’ll… I’ll go with you.” And she would, too. How could she not? He was all she’d ever wanted.

He looked down at her and put his hands over hers. “You’d do that? Even with everything you just said?”

“For you? Anything.”

Luke pressed his forehead against hers. Tori’s eyes fluttered close when he kissed her once, twice, just gentle presses of his lips on hers, but they were as powerful as a supernova. He pulled back from her and pressed his forehead to hers, nuzzling her nose. “I’ll stay. Just for a while, to think about what you said.”

“That’s all I wanted,” Tori whispered. _Stay with me. I need you. I love you. Stay, stay, stay, and if you leave, take me with you._

* * *

It was strange how just one thing could change so much. The war went on, but they weren’t a part of it, or at least not as important as they had been. Tori worked with Luke to force Kronos from his head. It was slow, but it worked. Someone else became Kronos’s vessel, but whenever Tori tried to think of who, her mind went blank, like the information had been painted over.

That was one of her clues that something was wrong, but not the biggest. The whole thing just felt… strange. It struck her when she and Luke were watching a movie, and to show that a scene was a dream sequence, the lighting changed so that everything was bright and shiny.

 _That’s it_ , she realized, _This is a dream_. She thought about it a moment longer and snuggled into Luke’s side. _But it’s a good dream._

And that was that. She refused to think of it any further. The real world was cold and bitter, whereas Luke was here and with her. She didn’t need anything else.

Sometimes she thought about how it would affect her siblings if she stayed there, but she learned to push those thoughts away. It was not an easy thing to live for other people; it was like dying from the cold. You could keep pushing yourself harder and harder, but it always got to you, sinking into your bones and making you want to give up. And when you did, all what was left was like bliss in comparison. The cold had gotten to her, and now she was ready to lay down in the snow and die.

After the war, they moved into an apartment of their own, using the money Luke made from passing off several demigod weapons as Greek artifacts. The apartment was small with only one bedroom and bathroom, but otherwise nice and would suit them until they could afford something bigger.

They had only just managed to unpack everything by Christmas. Tori was excited to pick out their tree, something she’d never been able to do when she was younger since Diana always insisted on using the same one every year so that they wouldn’t spend money on something they didn’t technically need.

They went to the store to pick up decorations on the first of December. Luke went for ornaments while Tori picked out a tree. She walked through the brightly lit aisles with a cheerful grin. There was something about walking through the Christmas section of a store that she’d missed living at camp.

The tree she chose had pale gold lights, fake snow, and pine cones nestled in the branches, and was about a foot taller than Luke. Tori took the box and set it over her shoulder, setting off to find Luke.

He was in the other side of the department, trying to decide between three sets of ornaments, all of them equally awful. Luke stared at them with a stereotypically studious expression, pursing his lips and using one hand to prop up his chin. Tori cleared her throat. Luke ignored her. Tori cleared her throat again, louder. Still not looking at her, Luke asked, “Do you need a cough drop?”

“Luke, turn around.”

His head turned slightly to look at her. He opened his mouth to say something, but just then caught sight of the tree. His eyes widened and he started laughing, curling in on himself at the sight of her.

“Luke, what have you been smoking?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just… you’re so short, and that box is so big…” He started laughing again, and Tori felt her cheeks heat up.

“I’m not short…” she protested weakly. “And all those decorations you picked out are awful. The colors don’t go together at all .”

That just made him laugh louder, so Tori went ahead and picked out a tub of red and gold decorations. “See you at home,” Tori said and turned to leave him there.

Luke stopped laughing as Tori walked away. “Tori, you’re not actually gonna leave me here, are you?”

“You have the keys!” After that, Luke just followed her with his head hung in quiet shame.

They set the tree up as soon as they got home. It was blessedly simple work, as opposed to the monstrosity that Dan and Antoinette had bought that had taken over an hour since they had to put the branches on individually and kept messing up.

They decorated the tree the next day, combining ordinary balls with glittering snowflakes, angels, and icicles. They got into a minor argument over who got to put the star on top, which erupted into a full-out tinsel war that only ended when Luke wrapped an arm around Tori’s waist, threw her on the couch, and tickled her stomach until she screamed.

It took hours, but they were finally done. Tori looked at the tree in satisfaction until Luke leaned around her, pointed at a branch, and said, “That one’s wrong.”

Tori’s face twisted in confusion and annoyance. “What?” She leaned forward to see what Luke was talking about, but saw nothing. “I swear, Luke, if you’re just looking at my—”

Her voice broke off suddenly when she turned to look at him. He was knelling on the floor, a blue ring box in his hand. Tori stared at him in shock, unable to move even as he started speaking. “Will you marry me, Tori?”

Tori continued to stare at him. Luke seemed undaunted by this. “I love you, Tori. I’ll always love you.” She didn’t respond. “You’re not just part of me, you’re the best part. And when I’m with you, I can just be me. I don’t have to worry about be strong or hiding anything, because you’ve already seen it all and accepted it. You’re the only one I want, Tori. You’re _the_ one.”

After a moment, Luke looked nervous, then genuinely concerned. “Tori, are you okay? You’re just kind of standing there.”

That broke Tori’s trance, and she nodded. “Yeah, I’m just…surprised.”

Luke stood, set the ring box down, and took Tori’s hand in his. He turned it palm up and kissed her wrist. “I love you, Tori. I want to marry you. Say yes?”

 _This isn’t real. It’s a dream, and you know it. Snap out of this—_ “Yes,” Tori breathed.

Luke smiled that genuine, happy smile that he reserved for Tori alone and took her in his arms, kissing her hard on the mouth. Tori smiled into the kiss and held Luke’s head to her. He led her in the direction of the couch, but his foot caught on a wire, and they fell to the floor. Tori landed on top of his chest with a heavy thud and a groan of pain from Luke. She yelped and sat up, the branches from their Christmas tree catching her hair. “Are you okay?” she asked her fiance.

He winced and rubbed the back of his head, but nodded. “Yeah. You?”

Tori assured him she was and kissed him again. Luke huffed, then laughed. “Picking up where we left off, huh?”

Tori shrugged. “Good a place as any.” She returned to her mission until Luke flipped her over, his hands on either side of her head. The Christmas light made him look almost angelic.

Luke growled and kissed her again. And it was pretty much the best tree-decorating session ever.

* * *

Tori snuggled closer to Luke, holding his arm. They were both wearing sweaters, Tori’s a red one with snowmen and Luke’s a midnight blue with snowflakes that she practically had to force him into. It was still early, and shafts of grey-white light filled the room, accompanied by their yellow Christmas tree lights. The yellow light shone on the box Luke held. It was the last of their gifts for each other. After Luke opened it, they would go to Dan and Antoinette’s apartment for the rest of the holiday.

Luke shook the small white-and-gold box next to his ear, grinning. The box made a small rattling noise. “What is it?”

Tori kissed his lips lightly, a tiny smile gracing her lips. “Open it and find out.”

Luke did just that, tearing the paper open and taking the top off the box. His eyebrows scrunched together in confusion as he picked up on the small toy. “Is this a rattle?”

Tori nodded. “It was mine when I was a baby. It’s one of the only things I brought to camp.” She pushed away the knowledge that she hadn’t actually brought it with her; it was one of the dream’s ways of holding her hostage, returning things that had made her happy once. She watched Luke’s face, waiting for his reaction.

Luke held the rattle up and looked at her. “Why would you give me—” Tori looked pointedly at her stomach.

Luke stared at her. “You’re pregnant?”

She nodded.

They were still for a long time. Then Luke said, “That’s…that’s one hell of a Christmas present.”

Tori laughed and kissed him.

* * *

Tori screamed in pain, crushing Luke’s hand in hers. He winced, but didn’t comment on it, too busy comforting her with soft touches at her brow and kind words that made her want to rip his throat out so he’d shut up.

Tori fought to regain control of her breathing, resting against the bed. The hospital room was white and sterile, though the doctor, at least, was a daughter of Asclepius and knew how to help demigods. Still, Tori would have preferred to be at camp, but the infirmary wasn’t really equipped for childbirth.

Another spasm of pain shot through her, and she shouted out, squeezing Luke’s hand again. She thought she felt something in it move unnaturally, but she couldn’t tell. The pain lingered in every inch of her body. It felt so real that she forgot it wasn't.

Luke’s face contorted in pain, but still he said, “Breathe in and out, Tori, in and out. Don’t focus on the pain, focus on—”

“ _SHUT UP, LUKE!_ ” Tori shouted, and then her voice became a wordless scream. It took her a moment to realize that a weight had left her, and that the cries she heard were no longer her own.

At the end of the bed, a nurse held up the baby, a small, pink thing covered in some sort of white paste. The baby squalled loudly, taking in proper air for the first time and delighting in it.

Tori wanted to hold her baby immediately, but her work wasn’t done. She held onto Luke’s hand (distantly realizing that it was the one she hadn’t been holding earlier) and settled in for more pain and effort. Luckily, the second one took only fifteen minutes, and her son was born. And there was still the afterbirth (the thing they didn’t show you in movies), but once it was over, Tori felt such relief as she had never know (which was probably the oxytocin taking affect, and _thank gods_ ).

Her niece finally, _finally_ , handed her the older of the twins. Tori could see now that her skin was a pale brown mixed with pink, and that her fluffy hair was far darker than either of her parents. But her eyes were wide and perfectly _blue_ , just like Luke’s. Tori held her close to her chest, careful to supprot the head. The baby looked up at her curiously, raising an arm as though to hit her, but it only fell harmlessly on Tori’s breast. She chuckled and looked up. Luke was sitting in a chair beside her, holding the second baby, a boy. This one’s hair was a pale, wheat-like yellow. She could not see his eyes. His head was resting against the crook of Luke’s arm, with one hand supporting the body. Tori winced guiltily when she saw his other, swollen hand. “Are you okay?” she asked quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace that had settled over them.

Luke looked up with eyes wide with shock and awe. It took him a moment to realize that she’d asked him a question, longer still to realize why. “Don’t worry. The bones are just bruised, not broken. I’ll take some ambrosia for it in a little while.”

Tori nodded once and looked to the baby in his arms. Luke chuckled. “Do you want to hold him?” She nodded slowly. Luke stood and leaned over the side of the bed, carefully switching the babies with her. Tori murmered her gratitude. It was important, she knew, to hold her baby shortly after she gave birth so that they could bond properly, and she didn’t want to neglect one in favor of the other.

This baby, she saw, had hazel eyes even bigger and more curious than his sister’s. Tori adjusted her gown so that one breast was exposed and raised her son to it, allowing him to eat. Tori watched in silent contentment.

Four hours. It had taken four hours to bring her children into the world. Tori thought it might have been worth four hundred. Might.

A thought occurred to her suddenly, and she frowned at her son. “Are they supposed to be this small? Are they sick?” They definitely seemed smaller than most newborns Tori had seen before, and the doctor had said they each weighed about five and a half pounds, though the girl was slightly bigger.

The doctor smiled reassuringly. “Twins are often smaller than usual at first since they have to share space in the womb. Don’t worry, as long as they’re well-fed it shouldn’t take long for them to get bigger.”

Tori nodded and returned to her son. He was small, but he would get bigger, healthier. Already, she could imagine him as an adult. But for now he was a baby, and so was his sister, and they both needed her. The thought didn’t make her panic as it might have done for someone else. It did not feel like a burden. It was a new purpose, rather, something to live and strive for.

 _They're not real_ , a small, annoying, voice said, _None of this—_

Tori imagined herself slamming a metal screen down on the voice; it died without so much as a whimper. _These are my children. You will not take them from me._ Nothing _will take them from me._

The doctor looked at her expectantly. “Do you two have names picked out?”

It was Luke who answered her though, his voice strong and proud. “We do.” He looked down at the baby girl he was cradling in his arms. He loved them already, and Tori knew with a certainty that she had never felt before that he would not abandon them, that he would use Hermes and Apollo as examples of what _not_ to do, and that he would protect their children no matter the cost.

_He would have been a good father—_

Tori caught the thought by its throat and growled. _He_ is  _and_ will be _a good father to our children. “Would” has nothing to do with it._ “Diana May,” Luke said, his voice ringing through the room, “and Michael Lee.”

* * *

Tori held up the video camera and watched the pair intently. Luke held Diana up by her hands, helping the ten-month old get her balance. Diana had not yet taken any steps on her own, though she _had_ said her first word already. It was “dada”. Tori tried not to be jealous.

Luke helped Diana take a step forward, leading her with his hands. After a few steps, he carefully let her go… and she promptly fell forward, though Luke caught her before she could get hurt. She started crying anyway, though Tori was ninety-percent sure she only did after she already had her father’s attention. She sighed and put down the camera, standing to make sure her daughter was okay. Luke was already comforting her, of course, rocking her and making small shushing sounds. Tori joined in, stroking her soft brown hair and saying, “Don’t worry, sweetheart, you’ll get there.”

Once Diana had stopped crying, they put her down in her swing, set it to rock, and used blankets to hold up her bottle. They were in the living of their new house, which was much larger than their apartment, having been paid for by Luke’s flourishing “reproduction” business. Michael and Diana had their own room right next to theirs so that they could hear them if they started to cry (which they usually did).

Tori unbuckled Michael from his own swing and set his bottle to the side. As she got the video camera, Luke returned to his position in front of her and helped Michael to his feet, holding his hands. The baby’s legs were as wobbly as his sister’s, and Tori hunkered down for another disappointment.

None came. When Luke let go of Michael’s arms, he stood on his own and took a single, hesitant step forward, and then another before he fell. For a moment, Tori just stared at him in shock. Then she let the camera fall from her hands and picked her son up, grinning like a madwoman.

“Michael! That was amazing!”

Her son grinned like he knew what she was saying and agreed. Then, as though to prove that the day could be even better, he said, “Mama!”

Tori looked at Luke with wide eyes. “Did you hear that?”

“Mama, mama!” Michael shouted, smiling with a wide open mouth so she could see his tiny baby teeth.

“HA!” Tori said, then looked at her husband smugly. “SUCK IT, Luke! Bam, I won this one!”

Luke stared at her. “I wasn’t aware it was a competition.”

“Yes you were, and I won this round! Ha!” Then she started to dance, whirling around with Michael still in her arms. And if Luke smiled, then that only made her victory sweeter.

* * *

Tori hummed happily to herself as she finished decorating the cake. There were two cakes and one pie. The first cake was for the guests, a large blue and pink one that said “HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY!” in decorative candy. The second was a smaller, pink one that said “DIAN”, and the child-sized pie was strawberry with “MICHAEL” written on top with red, fruity drizzle. Tori was working on the pink cake, using purple frosting to make the last “A” in Diana’s name.

Now finished, Tori opened a cabinet to get out the plate for the large cake. She had just taken it out when suddenly she couldn’t move. The world around her changed. Suddenly the kitchen was gone, and instead she was staring up at her brother Will, whose eyes were wide with fear. Pain flooded her nerves, making her thrash around and groan, unable to scream. Why was Will here? What was happening? Wasn’t he helping Luke set up for the party?

Tori moaned in pain. Yellow and black spots dotted around her vision, dancing to the ringing sound that filled her ears. “Wha—”

The kitchen snapped back into place like a rubberband. Tori cried out in confusion, putting her hands over her ears when she heard something crash.

“Tori?” someone shouted. A second later, Luke burst through the kitchen door, his eyes darting around to find the threat. “What happened?”

“I...I don’t know, I just…” Tori stared at the floor. She’d dropped the plate; it was in a million tiny pieces now, scattered across the tiles. “I’m sorry, I just…I’ll clean this up.” Tori bent down and reached for the closest piece, but Luke stopped her, lightly grabbing her wrist.

“I’ll worry about this, Tori, you just go lay down,” Luke said, helping her stand. Tori protested feebly, and Luke started to push her to the doorway, carefully avoiding the sharp bits of ceramic. “I’ll come get you when it’s time to blow out the candles, okay? You can rest until then.”

Tori nodded, fighting the urge to close her eyes. Exhaustion had hit her like a tsunami, and it took everything she had not to lay down on the stairs. Distantly, she knew people were watching her with worry and confusion, but she found it hard to care. The only thing she could think off other than sleeping was what she’d just seen. But the thought evaporated like steam as soon as she hit the bed, and it was gone completely by the time Luke woke her up.

* * *

Tori watched her little family with a small smile. Luke was playing with the kids at the edge of the pond. Normally she would be with them, but for now she was glad to just watch, and Luke was the one person she trusted to ensure the twins’ absolute safety as well as her. It didn’t hurt that this particular pond was man-made, and the most dangerous things in it were goldfish. They weren’t far from their house, and had in fact been the ones to commission this little pond for their family so that the kids would have somewhere safe to swim that wasn’t as constricting as a pool.

Tori took a bite out of a strawberry. Michael and Luke were dressed to match in white button-ups and khaki pants rolled up to their knees. Diana had on a yellow dress with a pattern of daisies and a pair of brown cowgirl boots that she had taken to wearing whenever she was awake. Tori herself even wore a sundress in a burnt orange color that Luke said suited her. She still had her bow-ring and a dagger under her skirt, though. She wasn't stupid.  
  
Michael splashed water at Diana, and she shouted and started to chase him around. Tori sighed good-naturedly and rose to intervene before freezing.

To the right of the pond lay a forest. At the edge of it, Tori could see two glowing red eyes. Her throat tightened. _Hellhound._ She realized, with a distant sense of horror, that the pond was _just_ outside of the wards they had on their home that kept monsters away.

“ _LUKE!_ ” She shouted. His head shot up to look at her, then turned to where her eyes were locked in horror. He seemed to realize what she saw and cursed, picking up the children, wrapping an arm around each of them, and ran in the direction of home.

The hellhound bounded from the woods, saliva spilling past its yellow teeth.

Tori ran.

She caught the monster in its side, using her entire body weight to force it to the ground. It snarled at her, but she only raised her dagger and stabbed it everywhere she could, never pausing, never stopping to consider her next step or where she should hit next, only knowing that she _could not stop, never stop, or it would take Mikey and Di and Luke, precious Luke, who was her soul and her anchor and everything she’d ever wanted—_

Someone screamed and something whimpered, but all Tori knew was that she was slamming her knife into the monster beneath her, again and again until there was only gold dust, and even then she didn’t stop, pulling up dirt and grass with her blood-covered blade until someone wrapped their arms around her, petting her hair softly and whispering, "It's okay, I'm here, we're all okay, no one's hurt, you're here—"  
  
Slowly, Tori realized it was Luke holding her. She let him pry the dagger from her grip, and he set it down away from her before pulling her even closer to him. The world fell into place around her as she saw the blood that covered her hands and arms, felt the dust moving in the breeze, heard herself sobbing.

Luke helped her up and walked with her back to the house. Michael and Diana were waiting in the living room, and ran to hug them, crying. Tori knelt down and pulled them to her, making shushing sounds while she brushed her fingers through their hair. They’d had an exhausting day, and it wasn’t even dark when the twins fell asleep. Luke put them in bed while Tori went to lay down.

For the first time in a long time, Tori acknowledged that this was a dream. She stared the fact right in the face and warned the dream that she _would_ leave if anything happened to her family. The room dropped several degrees in temperature, but she refused to budge, didn’t even blink. It didn’t matter, Little mattered to her anymore. Her heart was not her own; it was outside of her. It ate strawberry pie and wore cowgirl boots and had a scar down its cheek.

A minute passed, and Tori felt warm air brush over her. She nodded, satisfied.

Luke came back just then, carrying two mugs of something hot topped with whipped cream and sprinkles. “Brought you some hot chocolate. Thought you might need it after…” He shook his head and handed her a mug. Tori murmured her thanks and took it, drinking deeply. Luke chuckled. “You, um, you’ve got a whipped-mustache.”

Tori rolled her eyes and took a tissue from the box on the nightstand, wiping the whipped cream away. They finished drinking and set their mugs to the side. For a few minutes, they just sat there, staring at the bedspread. Then Tori crawled over to Luke and out her arms around his neck, sitting in his lap. Luke buried his face in the crook of her neck and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

Eventually, the moved to the head of the bed and laid down, pulling the comforters up. They were almost asleep when someone knocked. Luke sighed and got up, opening their door. Michael stood there, clutching his stuffed bunny to him like a lifeline. “Daddy, can I sleep with you and mommy? I’m scared.” He shivered and held the toy closer.

Luke opened the door wider. “Come on, Mikey.” Michael murmured something and walked past Luke to the bed, climbing into it. He snuggled in next to Tori, resting his head next to hers.

Tori smiled. “Hi, sweetie.”

“Hi, mommy,” Michael said, yawning.

Luke started to close the door before Diana walked in front of it, wearing her blue and purple dinosaur pajamas. She didn’t say anything, instead just looking up at Luke expectantly. He sighed. “Come in, Di.” She said a quiet thank you and went to join her mom and brother, making herself comfortable next to Michael. Luke rejoined them after a moment, taking his place on the right edge of the bed. Tori spared a moment to be glad they’d gotten a king-size.

The twins were asleep in minutes. Tori smiled at Luke over their heads. “Love you.”

His blue eyes glittered happily, the fear and stress of the day momentarily forgotten. “Love you too, Victoria.”

* * *

Luke ran his hands through his hair in irritation. He was starting to wear a hole in the floor from pacing. “Tori, you’re not making sense.”

Tori crossed her arms, straightening her spine. “I meant what I said. I don’t want the twins to start school this year.”

Luke took in a deep breath — what he always did when he was trying to keep his cool — and said, “Tori…they’re five. It’s time for them to start Pre-K.”

“I disagree, I think they should stay home another year.”

“That’s not my opinion! It’s a fact! Come on, Tori.” He stepped forward and set his arms on her shoulders comfortingly. “We’ve already met the satyrs at the school; they can keep the twins safe. And it’s only ten, fifteen miles away. Everything will be fine.”

Tori shrugged his hands away. “I’m aware of that. I still don’t want them to go.”

They argued for half an hour, but Tori stood her ground. This was not something Luke could make her budge on.

Eventually Luke stormed out of the room. Tori brought up some stuff from their office to work on, concentrating all her emotions into recreating a Van Gogh painting.

Michael and Diana were staying at Dan’s house for the night, so they weren’t there to hear the argument. When Tori went down for dinner, Luke wasn’t there. She grabbed the pint of lime sherbert and went back to bed.

She was still awake when someone knocked on the door half an hour later. She ignored it, staring at the wall. The door opened a moment later — about two seconds before Tori remembered Luke’s ability to undo locks. He walked over and sat down on the bed next to her, brushing his fingers through her hair. “Don’t,” Tori said quietly. Luke dropped his hand.

“Tori…talk to me? Please?” She didn’t respond. “What’s gotten into you? You’re not acting rationally.”

She was silent for a long time. Luke sighed and stood up. Just as he started to open the door, Tori said, “I’m scared.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but she had no doubt he’d heard her.

Luke made his way back to the bed and laid down behind Tori, pressing himself against her. Tori let herself sink into his chest, breathing in the smell of him. _Lemon-scented soap and sweat from training._ It was the best smell in the world to her. Tori could feel his breath against her ear when he said, “What are you scared of?”

It took her a moment to realize that the world was blurry because of her tears. “That I’ll lose them. That they won’t care about me anymore. That they’ll grow up and forget us.”

“They’re just kids, Tori,” Luke said, his lips pressed to her hair.

“We were kids, once. Now look at us.” He didn’t have anything to say to that.

Tori turned to face him. “Just one more year,” Tori asked, hearing her voice break, “One more year with just the four of us, and then they can go. Please. That’s all I’m asking for.”

Luke stared at her for a long time. Slowly, he nodded. “One year,” he whispered, “One year with just us, and then the world can butt in.”

Tori nodded. “Done.” Luke kissed her once and set his chin on top of her head. Tori held him to her and forgot the world existed.

* * *

Tori woke up to see her son standing in front of her, shaking her shoulder. Wincing from the sunlight, she said, “Michael?”

“Hi mom. You don’t have to get up, I just need to know how to make pancakes in the microwave.”

“I’m up.” Tori stretched her arms and sat up fully. “Go downstairs and wait for me. _Don’t_ touch anything in the kitchen.”

Tori pushed the covers away once Michael was gone and turned to wake Luke up. “Luke,” she said, shaking his shoulder, “Luke, get up, it’s time for breakfast.” He murmured something unintelligible and turned his head, burying his face into a pillow. Tori sighed and looked at him, considering. She smiled mischievously as an idea formed in her head. She pushed the blanket down to the foot of the bed. Luke was naked except for a pair of plaid boxers. Tori slowly pulled them down to the top of his thighs. Then she raised her hand, practicing a downward motion once, twice, before bringing it down hard on his ass. The resounding slap had to compete with Luke’s yelp for the loudest sound in the room.

Luke shot up suddenly, staring at her with eyes as wide as saucers. “ _What the hell, Tori?!_ ”

Tori laughed and hopped out of bed. “Get up, buttercup! We’re having pancakes!” She shot him an amused look as she opened the door. “And put on some pants; the kids are awake.”

Luke gave her a completely unamused look. “That hurt.”

She winked at him in an incredibly exaggerated way. “I’ll make it up to you.” Then she bounded out the room, giggling when she heard him curse under his breath.

Tori was gently explaining to Michael and Diana that they were never allowed to touch anything in the kitchen, ever, when Luke finally arrived, yawning into his hand. Tori leered at him once the kids had left to watch TV. Luke was too stunned to say anything. Tori thought she had won right up until Luke stepped up behind her. He wrapped his arms around hers and took the mixing spoon from her. “Need some help?” he asked sweetly, his cheek pressed lovingly against her temple.

Tori shivered and shut her eyes. “Tonight. After the kids are asleep.”

Luke smiled and kissed her cheek. “It’s a date.”

They finished making the pancakes, topping them with sprinkles. “Mikey! Di! Breakfast!” The children ran into the room excitedly, tumbling down into their chairs at the kiddy table. Tori set their plates down. “Chocolate chip for Ana-banana, and strawberries on top for Mikey.” She and Luke ate theirs standing up. Luke smirked and leaned in close to her. Before she could ask him what he was doing, he wiped away the whipped cream on her lip and sucked it off. He smiled at her. “Got a little something there. I fixed it.” Behind them, Michael and Diana made gagging sounds and complained about cooties.

After that, they went about their everyday schedule. Luke and Tori played with the twins for a bit before they went to their room to do their own thing. Tori was glad for that. She loved her children, but even she needed some time without them every now and then. Just not too much.

She worked on their latest painting while Luke handled the papers. The day was being suspiciously peaceful. She and Luke worked in comfortable silence. When they were done, they went outside to train. Tori smiled. This was her favorite time of day. Fighting Luke was like dancing or making love; peaceful, exhilarating, perfect, chaotic, balanced. It wasn’t something she’d ever shared with anyone else; real battle certainly didn’t feel this way, and she’d never attained it with any other sparring partner. She didn’t want to, truly. The rush of movement, the heat of her pumping blood, the headiness that came with every breath she took...no, this was a special, secret feeling that she shared with Luke and Luke alone.

She was panting by the time they were done, sweat pouring done her face. Luke was beside her on the mat, in much the same condition. He looked over to her and smiled. “Did I tire you out?”

“You seem to have that effect.” They laughed together before Luke put one hand on her cheek. Smiling softly, he leaned forward to kiss her, pressing their foreheads together. “I love you,” Tori whispered, her lips ghosting against his. Luke didn’t say anything, only using his thumb to trace her face, edging around her cheeks, lips, temple, eyes…

After that, it was time for lunch. She heated up some soup that they’d had the night before, along with some bread from a local bakery. They had a mini-picnic at their pond, finishing up with some ice cream. But they didn’t feel like staying inside when they were done, so instead Tori got out her guitar and played for Luke while the twins played. She sang “Walk You Home” by Karmina, laying back against Luke’s chest. That one always made her think of herself and Luke. _Even the brave may depend on someone/The moon only shines with the help of the sun/And it’s not as safe when you’re walking alone/I’ll walk you home_ —

She took in a sweet breath that smelled of grass and wildflowers. And faintly, the scent of lemons and sweat.

Dinner was simple — squash and barbecued chicken. After they’d set the kids to bed, Luke and Tori went back downstairs to wash the dishes. Tori snuck up behind Luke while he was at the sink and wrapped her arms lightly around his waist. Luke tensed. “What are you doing?” he asked, his voice low and husky.

Tori smirked. “Thought we had a date. Remember? I said tonight?” She unbuttoned his jeans. “It’s tonight, Luke.”

Later, she and Luke laid tangled amongst their blankets, sated and happy. Tori snuggled into Luke’s chest, her palm over his heart. “This is how every day should be.”

Luke laughed. “It was a normal day, Tori.”

She smiled up at him. “Exactly.” She gave one last, sweet kiss, and turned the lights off.

* * *

 

Tori stood Luke’s side, contemplating their relationship while she worked on the cookies. They’d changed, both as individuals and as a couple. Gone was the infatuation of youth. Their love had grown and changed into something more mature. She did not need to have Luke constantly by her side because she knew he would always return to her. He did not need to remind her of his love with words; he said it every day with gentle looks and touches. He was a part of her, as vital as the air she breathed, and they both knew it.  
_  
_ _My children need me,_ she thought knowingly, like a wise old woman in a fantasy novel, _and I need Luke._ The thought was not a scary one. It was comforting, in fact. She would not have it any other way.

She and Luke were humming along to “The One That Got Away” — a habit that Luke had picked up from her sometime around when the twins were born — when she heard voices from the living room. She froze, listening, but relaxed when she recognized who it was. She set the flour to the side and opened the door to the living room, stepping through with a smile.

“Nico? What are you doing here?”

 

* * *

* * *

 

**Pt. 2**

 

Tori favorite Greek story was the one about Orpheus and Eurydice. Orpheus was a son of Apollo, and blessed with the ability to make music so beautiful that even the rocks of the earth moved for him. When his beloved wife, Eurydice, was killed by a viper, he went to Hades and played for the god of death and his wife, and they were so moved that they allowed him to take his wife back, so long as he did not look at her until they left the underworld. But just as they were at the mouth of the earth, Orpheus had allowed fear and panic to make him turn back, and his wife had vanished, lost to him.

It was a story she thought about a lot these days. She wanted to reach through the past and shake her brother. _How could you be so stupid?!_ , she would demand, _You were so close!_ Just as she had been so close to having everything she’d wanted and more. Except Tori hadn’t looked back. Rather, someone had grabbed her face and forced her to turn around and lose everything she’d ever wanted. Orpheus had wondered if his wife was a shade, a trick, an illusion. Tori had known Luke was, and accepted it, but she had still lost him and more.

When Tori got back from her trip to town, she was greeted by the stares of her siblings. She ignored them, moving to place the paper bag she carried on top of her chest.

Someone cleared their throat. When that didn’t catch her attention, they said, “Tori.”

She turned to see who was speaking. “Yes, Lyra?”

Her sister seemed to shrink under Tori’s dead eyes. “Um, we were just wondering where you were.”

“I had an errand,” she said, then grabbed her bow and quiver.

“What, uh, what are you doing now?”

“I’m going to go train. I would prefer to be left alone while I did.” She walked past Lyra, as well as Reed and Kayla.

“Maybe that’s not a good idea,” Reed suggested, “Maybe you should have someone to talk to.”

“I’ve been awake for a month now, Reed. I haven’t killed myself yet.”

They flinched, but Tori paid them no mind. She left to the archery range, which was empty at this time of day. She used her arrows to make different Greek letters, collecting the arrows after each one.

At some point, Nico joined her, standing off to the side looking dark and mysterious. She ignored him and kept shooting. If he wanted to say something, then he could.

Once she was done with the Greek alphabet, she returned the target to its place and started to leave.

“Where are you going?” Nico asked.

“Sword training,” Tori said, swinging her quiver over her shoulder.

“Do you need to talk?”

“No.” She opened the door, and saw Nick with no less than four of her siblings standing outside. Will wasn’t there.

“Hey,” Nick said.

“Hello,” Tori said. She tried to walk past them, but Nick blocked her path.

“I need to talk to you,” he said quietly, looking at her with sad, downcast eyes.

“I don’t care.” She tried to move again, but this time Kayla stopped her.

“We’re worried, Tori.”

“Then you should have left me there.”

“Tori…” Nick let his voice trail off.

“What?” Tori snapped in annoyance. Why didn’t they understand? She just wanted to be left alone. Not even that, she wanted it all to _stop_. Since when was that too much to ask for.

One of them was talking, saying how this was her _home_ and where she _should_ be and why couldn’t she just _feel better_ , and maybe they could all sing _kumbaya_ together, and she was _done_.

“Has it ever occurred to you — _any of you_ — that I don’t actually _want_ to be here? That being here is my _punishment?!_ ” She looked at their stunned, guilty faces and scoffed. “No. Of course not. And they call me selfish. None of you want to think about. No, you’d much rather tell me what I should do and how I should feel and scold me when I don’t comply to your every whim!”

“What about me?” Nick asked quietly.

Tori growled. “What _about_ you?”

Nick winced, but went on. “I love you as much as he ever did. Isn’t that worth anything?”

Tori laughed bitterly. “I would rather have five minutes with Luke than a life with you.” She had no seen him look so stunned, or so pained. She didn’t care. She didn’t try to. She had lost her love and her children, and no one cared. No one even tried. Why should she?

She walked past them indifferently. She spent an hour, two practicing her sword skills on a straw dummy. Distantly, she became aware that someone had joined her and sighed. “Make it quick, I have somewhere to be at midnight.”

Nico shrugged. “I just wanted to see if you were okay. That got pretty intense.”

“I didn’t notice.”

Nico nodded like he expected nothing else and walked over to her. “You…you okay?” he asked awkwardly.

“No. Thanks for asking.”

Nico looked past her, seemingly trying to think of what to say. “Maybe you should talk to someone else. I know Will misses you—”

"He killed my children. He might as well have ripped them from my arms and bashed their heads in. I want nothing to do with him."

“Okay, that’s…that’s fine.”

“Thank you, Nico. I’m glad to know that you’re okay with me being mad at my children’s murderer. Couldn’t have lived without that, y’know.”

Nico made a frustrated noise. “Tori… they weren’t…”

“Real?” she asked in a clipped tone. “Well, I guess that just makes everything better. I suppose it doesn’t matter that I can remember what it was like to be pregnant. And Luke’s face the first time he felt them kick, that’s not important. Or the pain I felt during labor. That’s silly, why do I even care about that? Or when I held them for the first time — all that love and joy and _warmth_ … let’s just throw that out the window?”

“Tori?”

“How about when Michael said his first word? Or when Diana took her first steps? Or how Luke and I argued about sending them to school because I wanted to keep them with me just a little bit longer? That was pointless in hindsight. I didn’t have much more time with them anyway.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his eyes closed as though to avoid looking at a punch he knew was coming.

Tori stared at the ground. What more was there to say? That she was tired? That she wanted to go home? That she wished she’d never left the dream?

“What am I, Nico?” she whispered. “A mother with no children. A widow who was never married. A hero who can’t even save herself. How much more? How much more can they take from me? Or am I already nothing?”  
  
She was tired of crying. She wanted to go home and lay down with Luke and let him comfort her. She wanted to play with her children and hear them laugh. She wanted her life back.  
  
Tori sheathed her sword and put the dummy away. “I have somewhere to be.”

It was night by now, and a quarter-moon shone its light on the camp. Tori stopped by her cabin just long enough to get the bag she’d left in there earlier, then left. She headed down to the beach, avoiding the cleaning harpies with careful precision. She sat down in the sand and emptied the bag. There were candles, a box of matches, and two pastry boxes. Tori opened each of the boxes. The first pastry was a chocolate cupcake with whipped frosting on top, the second a child-sized strawberry pie. She stuck a ‘6’ candle in each and lit them.

Quietly, she started singing “Happy Birthday”, her voice cracking from holding back tears. She felt like all the air had left her, and now she was choking looking for something to sustain her.

_I can't breathe, Luke. I feel like I can't breathe._

**Author's Note:**

> Fine me @tori-castellan on tumblr.


End file.
